


Remember That One Time We Were Locked In A Trunk?

by ashtraythief



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Crack, Dialogue-Only, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-18 01:50:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/874325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashtraythief/pseuds/ashtraythief
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared and Jensen in a trunk, l-o-c-k-e-d i-n</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember That One Time We Were Locked In A Trunk?

**Author's Note:**

> this was written for [this prompt](http://spn-rps.livejournal.com/144994.html?thread=63842#t63842) "J2 locked in a trunk" over at the [Summer Schmoop Meme](http://spn-rps.livejournal.com/144994.html).
> 
> It is complete and utter crack.

  
“Let go of me you goddamn bastard! What the hell are you- No! No, let me go, let me aaaaaaagh!”  
  
Bang!  
  
  
“Shit! Fuck! God, my head! And what the fuck- holy shit is someone here?”  
  
“Yeah, and I'd appreciate very much if you would get your knees of my face.”  
  
“Shit, sorry. Ow, dammit! Who are you? And where the fuck are we anyway? Can't see a thing under this damn hood.”  
  
“Well, closest I can tell, we're in the trunk of a car. But I can't see anything, because I got a hood on myself.”  
  
“Are your hands tied too?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Hm, well whatever is going on here, we need to get out of it. I have a pocket knife somewhere in my pants, if you could get it...”  
  
“Yeah. Let me just...”  
  
“Ow!”  
  
“Sorry, it's just, I can't.... dammit! Wait, I think...”  
  
“Dude, that is _not_ my pocket knife!”  
  
“Sorry! Sorry, I'll just... ah-ha!”  
  
“Alright. Now please don't slit my wrists, I don't wanna die in here.”  
  
“Maybe you could help me with the hood first? Not that there's gonna be a lot of light anyway.”  
  
“Yeah, wait-”  
  
“Damn!”  
  
“Got it!”  
  
“Fuck, thank god I can breathe.”  
  
“....”  
  
“Hey, you okay? Wait, I can get your hood off and...”  
  
“Jensen?”  
  
“...Jared?”  
  
“Shit, I didn't recognize your voice before, but now...”  
  
“Shit.”  
  
“Yeah. So, uhm, how have you been?”  
  
“Seriously, Jared? We're locked in the trunk of a car and you wanna play catch up?”  
  
“Well, it's not like we're going anywhere soon. I mean they took my cell phone and I doubt we can cut our way out of here with my pocket knife. At least now I feel better about you cutting the rope.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Because you're a doctor, Jensen. Did you hit your head?”  
  
“No, I- Just give me your damn hands!”  
  
“....So, how _have_ you been?”  
  
“Jared!”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Nothing. How about we figure out why we're here instead?”  
  
“Uhm, money? You know, they're gonna demand a ransom?”  
  
“From who? You don't have any money, I still have to pay off my student loans and our parents aren't exactly rich either.”  
  
“Maybe it's a mob thing. You know, we saw something we weren't supposed to.”  
  
“Did you see something you weren't supposed to see?”  
  
“No, I don't think so.”  
  
“So not. Maybe you could take this a little more serious, Jared?”  
  
“I'm taking this seriously! I just don't see a reason to panic.”  
  
“You don't see a reason to panic. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? WE ARE LOCKED IN THE FUCKING TRUNK OF A CAR!”  
  
“Shit, Jensen, calm down, okay. Take deep breaths! We’re gonna be okay, I promise!”  
  
“Oh, shut it, I'm the doctor, I'm the one who says when to calm down.”  
  
“....”  
  
“Alright, we should stay calm! Now what though?”  
  
“The rope?”  
  
“Right, turn around.”  
  
….  
  
“Okay, now do me. And please, Jared, try not to kill me!”  
  
“You know, as tempted as I am, I think I will refrain. Not much fun in sharing a trunk with a corpse.”  
  
“Ha ha. You're always so funny.”  
  
“Betterthanastickinhisass.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Nothing. Just – hold still.”  
  
“Ow!”  
  
“What ow?”  
  
“You cut me!”  
  
“Did not!”  
  
“God, Jared, you're such a klutz!”  
  
“Why Jensen, you're welcome for cutting off your bonds, here in the complete darkness of a car trunk.”  
  
“How about you stop dicking around and try to figure out what we’re doing in here?”  
  
“Hey, I had ideas! It's your turn now.”  
  
“Fine. So we both get kidnapped, but there's nothing to gain, because there's no money or knowledge. Since we know each other it can't be random. I mean, they snatched me on my morning run and-”  
  
“You do that every morning at the same time. Just like me running with the dogs.”  
  
“Yeah. Hey, uhm, how is Harley?”  
  
“Oh, he’s – he's much better, thanks for asking. We're almost back to running five miles, so...”  
  
“No damage in the leg?”  
  
“No, he's fit as a fiddle. Uhm, thanks again for getting me in to see that vet. She did a really good job.”  
  
“Yeah, no problem. Besides, it was for Harley, not you.”  
  
“Of course.”  
  
“So...”  
  
“Right. Your run, me with the dogs, and now in a car. I mean, who knows us both, and would kidnap us? I mean, we don't know any crazy people. Except...”  
  
“Oh my god. I'm gonna KILL those bastards!”  
  
“Jen, we can't be sure.”  
  
“Right. And how many times have they told us to get our shit together, Jared? For the sake of the group? I mean, do you remember the tantrum Dani threw because she didn't want us to argue at her wedding?”  
  
“Yeah. Chris actually showed up just last week and threatened to cut my balls of, if I don't behave.”  
  
“Right. And Mike wants us to get back together, so we can all play ball on the weekends!”  
  
“God, that's why they seemed so familiar. I thought I recognized Chad's voice and I mean there aren't many guys as tall as Tom...”  
  
“I am gonna kill them, I swear to god! I mean, this is so pointless! As if we would ever get back together!”  
  
“Right? Our relationship was a disaster!”  
  
“Well, mostly that was your fault, and I-”  
  
“Are you kidding me? My fault? Who is the workaholic? Who is so grumpy in the mornings, we couldn't even talk in those few minutes we had? You, Jen, that's all you!”  
  
“As if _that_ were our problems! You were never around! Always had to dance on every wedding, go out all the time, so even when I was at home, you weren't.”  
  
“Of course, it's only my fault that you broke up with you. Nice Jen. Never take responsibility for your mistakes!”  
  
“I was the only responsible one in that clusterfuck of a relationship! Besides, I didn't break up with you, we broke up with each other.”  
  
“Are you fucking kidding me? You were the one who said you couldn't stand to live one more second with a slob like me!”  
  
“Well, you were the one who just stormed out of the apartment!”  
  
“Well, what would you have done if someone called you a loud, messy, uncoordinated, candy eating manchild! I mean, you said candy eating like it was something dirty!”  
  
“The amount of candy you eat is a perversion!”  
  
“Is not!”  
  
“And there we go with the childish behavior again...”  
  
“Oh, as if you are so mature!”  
  
“I am very mature.”  
  
“Pffff, maybe, but you are the most passive-aggressive person I have ever known! I mean, who actually throws another person's things into the trash just because they are lying on the floor?”  
  
“I almost broke my ankle stepping on one of your shoes! In the bathroom! What is a shoe even doing in the bathroom?”  
  
“That – when did that even happen?”  
  
“Shortly before my parents were supposed to come visit!”  
  
“How do you even remember all of this? Oh right, I forgot, because you're a prissy anal little bitch!”  
  
“I am not- Jesus Jared, this is not getting us anywhere!”  
  
“Yeah, I know. Fuck. So, how do we get out again?”  
  
“Well, they have to be somewhere close by, right? They can't just leave us somewhere. And they need to listen in in case we kiss and make up.”  
  
“So?”  
  
“So.... CHAD! MIKE! TOM! CHRIS! DANI! YOU GODDAMN FUCKERS, GET US OUT OF HERE!”  
  
“Ow. My ear.”  
  
“How about you help, instead of just giving unconstructive criticism.”  
  
“Jen, you know our friends. They'll leave us in here for hours. Unless...”  
  
“Unless what, Jared?”  
  
“Psssh, not so loud. What if they think we made up?”  
  
“And how do we do that?”  
  
“Well.... GOD, JEN, I MISSED YOU TOO!”  
  
“What, I so did not-”  
  
“I KNOW THAT YOU'RE SORRY AND I FORGIVE YOU!”  
  
“Jared, stop it! As if they would ever fall for that! No one talks that loud.”  
  
“And what do we do instead?”  
  
“Hmm, well what do all our oh so heterosexual manly friends really hate, especially Chad?”  
  
“Uhm, pink shirts?”  
  
“No, dumbass. OH GOD, JARED, THAT'S IT, RIGHT THERE! YEAH, GNNAAAH, FASTER, OHHHH YEAH, LOVE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT-”  
  
“Jen, stop!”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Well... they're not gonna believe that either.”  
  
“That's what you say, but – Jared, what the fuck is that?”  
  
“Uhm... my pocket knife?”  
  
“Jared! How can you! We're trapped in a fucking trunk!”  
  
“Well, how am I supposed to react when you start moaning like a pornstar? After a year of fucking you, my dick is kinda conditioned to react to that!”  
  
“Well, then at least be so kind and get it away from me.”  
  
“How am I supposed to do that? This trunk is tiny!”  
  
“Oh, come on, Jared, your dick is not that big.”  
  
“It actually kinda is. And you know it. If I remember correctly, it was the reason you took me home with you in the first place. Something about how you wanted to ride-”  
  
“Jared, shut up!”  
  
“What, no trip down memory lane, sweety?”  
  
“Ugh, don't call me that. You know I hate inane pet names!”  
  
“Yeah. I think it makes number 74 on the list of things you hate.”  
  
“Well, at least I have an opinion on things!”  
  
“Oh, and I don't? No, you know what? We're not doing this again. CHAD, LET US THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!”  
  
  
“They're already screaming....”  
  
“....but not talking.”  
  
“Chad? Dani? Let us out of here!”  
  
“Sorry, no can do boys. I want a happy, peaceful wedding. And I'm sorry that the two of you apparently can't see what every other person on this planet notices the moment they meet you: that you are made for each other! So get it together, talk it out, have a nice little fuck and make up like good little boys, okay?”  
  
“Yeah, have fun guys. I even threw a pack of condoms in there, since I know Jenny's been slutting around. Later!”  
  
  
“Jen, who have you been slutting around with?”  
  
“Seriously, Jared? Our 'friends' tell us they're gonna keep us locked up until we get back together and that's your problem? Who I slept with since we broke up?”  
  
“It's only been three months!”  
  
“So? I'm a good looking guy and I have needs!”  
  
“Hrrmsluthrmm.”  
  
“So mature....”  
  
“Jen, I'm serious. Did you do it with that guy?”  
  
“What guy?”  
  
“The old guy from the hospital. You know the one I mean, he was always perving on you!”  
  
“What? Dr. Morgan? Jared, he's happily married! To a woman!”  
  
“Doesn't mean he can't perv on you.”  
  
“.... Jared, are you jealous?”  
  
“What? NO!”  
  
“Oh my god, you are!”  
  
“Am not!”  
  
“Jared....”  
  
“Fine! So I might not like the idea that some old guy touches you, that doesn't mean anything. It's an ex-boyfriend thing.”  
  
“Uh-huh.”  
  
“And you still haven't told me who it was. Do I know him? Did you go to some bar or club? Were you safe? Did-”  
  
“No one! Okay? There was no one, Jared.”  
  
“But-”  
  
“Dani was riding my ass about me pining, so I told her I went out with a paramedic, so she'd leave me alone.”  
  
“And did you?”  
  
“Yeah. Her name is Felicia, she's new in town and doesn't know anyone who can show her the bars. We had dinner and way too many cocktails, cried about our exes and then shared a cab home.”  
  
“Wait, you cried over your exes?”  
  
“Well, she cried over her ex.”  
  
“Uh-huh.”  
  
“Jared. Remember when we had this talk when we went from fucking to relationship and we knew it wouldn't work, but we tried it anyway?”  
  
“Yeah. Because I'm a slob and you have OCD.”  
  
“I'm not a morning person and you totally are.”  
  
“I love partying and you are a real couch potato.”  
  
“I like the finer things in live and you're happy with burgers and fries.”  
  
“You don't talk.”  
  
“You talk all the time.”  
  
“You... you take hours in the bath room every morning, just to make your stupid hair look all messy and freshly fucked.”  
  
“And you never cut your hair. And it doesn't matter how pretty or soft it is, you still look like a hippy.”  
  
“You can't eat ice-cream the way normal people do. You always have to make porn out of it.”  
  
“You work out shirtless.”  
  
“You – you always sleep so long when you have a day off, until the light shines in through the opening in the curtain and lights up your freckles.”  
  
“You never sit still, always fiddling with something with those large paws of yours, always having your long fingers play with something...”  
  
“You always bend over to put on your shoes, stretching your ass out just like in invitation...”  
  
“No matter what kind of pants you wear, I can always see what's hiding in there.”  
  
“Because you know.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Jen?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Did you ever think it didn't work because we expected it not to work?”  
  
“I don't know Jay. But right now I really don't care because for the last five minutes your hard dick has been rubbing up against mine and I really don't care about anything else except to get it into my ass. So where are the fucking condoms?”  
  
“I – we – right, condoms. Uhm, if you haven't slept with anyone, I haven't either, so...”  
  
“Are you kidding me? Do you think I want to get out of this trunk, with all our friends watching with your come dripping down my leg?”  
  
“Sheesh, still so prissy – mpf!”  
  
“Less, talking, more kissing.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
…..  
  
  
“Condoms, Jared!”  
  
“Well, they aren't here. Maybe behind you?”  
  
“No, I don't think-”  
  
“Ouch!”  
  
“Shit, sorry!”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, just find the damn condoms!”  
  
“Eager are we?”  
  
“I'll give you eager. Mmmmmm.”  
  
“Oh, that- Shit, Jay, I need to, need to find, oh god yes! God, I missed your hands!”  
  
“Hmm, yeah. Feel so good, Jen, taste so good.”  
  
“I- no hickeys, Jay, I’m a respectable – oh – doctor, I can't, fuck, show up wi- with hickeys to, oohhh, work!”  
  
“Hmmm. Condoms?”  
  
“Wha- oh yeah, here. Oh yeah, _right_ here!”  
  
“Thank fuck. Shit, how do we get out pants off in here? And how do we do this?”  
  
“Just use your legs. Here, let me help.”  
  
“Shit, shoes.”  
  
“Damn, alright Jay, stay still. I'm just gonna shift-”  
  
“Ow!”  
  
“And bend down-”  
  
“Damn!”  
  
“Aaaaaand there we go!”  
  
“Hmm, as long as you're down there you could...”  
  
“God, yes!”  
  
“Jesus fucking Christ! Jensen, your mouth! Oh god, seriously I want to marry your mouth! That- oh god, so good, so... oh yeah, just. Like. That.”  
  
“....”  
  
“Jen, come on – ahhhh – come up here, wanna fuck you baby, please.”  
  
“Yeah. Wait, just let me – shit, my head!”  
  
“Your head? My nose!”  
  
“Ugh, could we just get on with it?”  
  
“Such a romantic.”  
  
“Jared? Shut up and put your cock in my ass.”  
  
“I love you too, darling.”  
  
"..."  
  
“Yes!”  
  
“Fuck! Damn, did your dick get bigger?”  
  
“Uhm, not that I noticed. Why?”  
  
“Well, feels really fucking big right now.”  
  
“Shit, should I stop, should-”  
  
“Don't you dare! Come on, move it!”  
  
“Yeah, moving it right now, moving – oh god!”  
  
“Jared!”  
  
  
  
“Fuck! So tight.”  
  
“Shit, you feel good.”  
  
  
  
“God, your ass!”  
  
“Harder!”  
  
  
  
“Missed this so much!”  
  
“Missed _you_ so much!”  
  
  
  
  
“Close, so close, baby!”  
  
“Yeah, c'mon, me too!”  
  
  
  
“Jen!”  
  
“Jay”  
  
  
  
  
  
  
“So what now?”  
  
“No we get out of here, stretch our legs and I don't know what you're gonna do, but I'm gonna run straight for the next bath room.”  
  
“Jen, that's not what I meant.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“So?”  
  
“Well.... we could go on a date.”  
  
“A date?”  
  
“Yes, Jared, a date. I mean, we've never really been on one, we just started with the fucking, so....”  
  
“Jensen?”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Do you want to go out? Friday night, dinner and a movie?”  
  
“I’d love to.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
“HOLY SHIT! Dudes, I did not need to see this!”  
  
“Ah, the perils of kidnapping...”

**Author's Note:**

> Awesome art was made by kjanddean, but it is NSFW! You can find it [here](http://kjanddean.livejournal.com/3738.html)!


End file.
